Issue 36

June 2010







Front Page.

Page Two.

Page Three.

Page Four.

Page Six.

Page Seven.

Page Eight.

Page Nine.

Page Ten.

Page Eleven.

Page Twelve.

Page Thirteen.

Page Fourteen.

Page Fifteen.

Page Sixteen.

Page Seventeen.

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An Endangered Species

My wife and I were on holiday staying with our daughter in South Australia. One evening four or five of us went for a meal to a typical outback Aussie ‘pub’. i.e., dark, dingy, bare wooden seats, bare wooden floors, and very noisy.

So, there we were sitting around a large bare wooden table, the drinks had been flowing freely, the place was filled to capacity, the music was thumping, and everyone was shouting at the same time. We were all having a great time and looking forward to our meal, as this pub had a really good reputation as an eating-place.

We studied the large and varied menu that was chalked on the far wall and rather difficult to read. Having placed our order we sat back waiting for the food to arrive; a rather slow process, about which no one ever complained, as the main purpose of the majority of the customers seemed to be to down as many XXX’s as possible before closing time.

My wife appeared from out of the smoke filled crowd with some wine, and as she put it on the table said something to me. At this point I’d better explain that a) I have a hearing impairment, and b) I’m a vegetarian.

When the waiter, who was also the cook /owner and chief ‘chucker out’ (it was that sort of place OK?) finally brought our meals, I really laid into him, shouting something along the lines of:-

I see you’ve got Wombat Patties on your menu and Kangaroo Steaks, but you should be ashamed of yourself for what you’re serving now. What’s the matter, are you so short of b....y meat that you have to raid the b....y zoo now?

(They use b...y quite a lot over there!). Do you ever give any thoughts to the endangered poor flamin’ animals that you eat? Etc. etc. etc.

He slowly put the dishes he was carrying down before he faced me, and we ended up having a real slanging match. It took quite a while, but with the help of another three or four who joined in, we got it sorted out before it came to blows –just!

What my wife had actually said to me as she put the wine on the table was: ‘This carafe is for me and you’. What I thought she said was: ‘There’s giraffe on the menu’.

Naturally I apologised, and in true Aussie style everyone had a good laugh, especially the waiter/cook/owner/chucker out, who fortunately saw the funny side, and even gave my wife and me a complimentary drink.

He’s probably telling someone this little tale at this very moment. “Good on ya Cobber”.


Ron Williamson

In an Emergency Get a Translator

I copied these fire alarm regulations which were on the back of the bedroom door in a hotel where we stayed in Prague .
Very quaint English - but impossible to follow if there did happen to be a fire.

Why can’t important messages be translated into English by someone who has a good knowledge of the language – and not, as in this case, straight from the Czech

Jill Pullman

Carry out the people from life threatening rooms. Carry out research of the place where the fire begins. If it is possible, make a first intervention by fire extinguisher or from water from fire hydrant.


If you do not have way which enables you living the object, close the doors and windows put a wet tissue into the holes around the door and wait for the fire brigade.

By flourishing in the window or by any other way to try to draw attention to yourself.

Giving your personal help to a fire brigade all the information about the fire, place object etc.

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